September 2011
2 posts
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5 Observations Moving From a Large City to a Small...
Posted by Laura Recently I moved from Denver, Colorado to Portland, Maine. I decided to leave behind my semi-big-city ideals and settle for a simpler life amongst more rural peoples who naturally held better concepts of relaxation and old-tyme entertainment. But while there’s very little to hate about the town, I find myself plagued by new annoyances that I never anticipated.
You might...
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8 Reasons Why Having Curly Hair Totally Rocks*
A Helpful Picture Guide by Nicole
8.) Instant Halloween Costume
How often do you find yourself waking up in the morning to the horrific realization that there is a Halloween party in 20 minutes and you forgot to buy a costume? Well, if you have curly hair: NEVER. That’s because morning hair lends itself to a wide variety of costumes, of which I have laid out here:
God, I hate those end...
August 2011
5 posts
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Read ALL of the Things!
Posted by Nicole
I wanted this post to be a deep, thoughtful essay wherein I gush about how much I love bookstores, while underneath I am, in fact, gushing about how much I love the written word. I wanted to bring you along as I journeyed into the world of books, a world I love so much that I still childishly think I will become a writer someday. After several false starts, I can’t seem to...
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O Wesley, Crusher of My Heart
An Ode to Wesley Crusher
Posted by Nicole
That day in July two thousand one one, no way I, so pasty, could face the sun. I scrolled, half asleep, all ‘round my Netflix when – could it be? I totes just shat bricks! There, all laid out as if just for me all seven seasons of the Trek: TNG!
The universe stood still on Stardate four one one five three point eight. For on that day, the world did...
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Crossing the Street Downtown, A Simple Guide
Posted by Laura I see you, you tourists, you family exploring the wonders of urban life, you group of elderly women clutching onto your purses like anyone gives a shit about the dead parakeet and package of mints you have in there. I see you, about to get hit by a fucking car because you’re total morons. You would think that crossing a road would be simple. It’s one of the first things...
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The Big Picture: Comics, Riots and Wimpy Children
Posted by Laura
If you were keeping up with Comic Con like I was, or are the raging alcoholic feminist that I am (not,) you may have read about Batgirl presenting a very valid question to the DC panel; “Where are the women?” DC’s response was somewhat shocking, because instead of saying something along the lines of “You’re right, this shit is tired,” they...
July 2011
6 posts
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A Brief Bitching
Posted by Laura This week in conducting meaningful conversations…. Things not to confuse the major Psychology with or bring up when someone tells you they are majoring or did major in Psychology: 1. Mind reading and other similar bullshit.
“Whoa, are you like, totally reading my mind right now?” I think the word you’re thinking of is ”psychic” and no, such...
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A Brief Bitching
Today’s topic: Google+ and how much is too much. Posted by Laura A friend of mine graciously extended an invite to me and I accepted. I spent some time browsing around the new site. I’ve been using gmail for ages. I’ve been using it since back when it required an invite and it was just emerging from its “professionals only” stage and getting popular with former aol...
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5 Reasons To Cancel Your Cable (That You Probably...
Posted by Laura My internet got shut off at my apartment last weekend. About 3 people paid another person to use their wireless signal and they up and moved and unplugged it all one morning, leaving me to consume my morning cocktail bleary-eyed in front of a Netflix-less blank screen and scratch my ass in confusion. I’m sure there are plenty of things I could have done in my apartment like,...
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We May Have Found the Worst Sweater Ever
Posted by Nicole
I fear we may have found the worst sweater ever.
It’s horrible in a subtle way, a way that makes you grab it in the Goodwill, hold it up to your blog wife, and laugh. It’s so bad it makes Bill Cosby’s sweaters vomit.
It’s terrible in a way that, ten minutes later, you find yourself still holding it while you walk through the checkout line.
Look at...
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BWAMY: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
Posted by Nicole
Anyone with Netflix has noticed it, sitting there in the “New Releases” section, innocently beckoning. An instantly streaming window to your past.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am talking about “Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers: The Movie.” So let me introduce a new bi-whenever series called Blogological Watches Awful Movies for You. Or, for the...
June 2011
16 posts
3 tags
A Brief Bitching
Posted by Laura
We are starting a new segment, previously titled “Sounding Off” and now titled “A Brief Bitching.” This will be a brief post bitching about some daily occurrence, article, or any poor sad sack of a victim who falls in our radar. Today the victim is you, unnamed female Budget Office employee. Feel free to respectfully tell me your opinion about tattoos, but...
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Offices, Vaginas, and Vaginas in Offices
Posted by Laura If you haven’t already noticed, a consistent theme of this blog will be to make fun of office life, office work and all the asshattery therein. It’s easy for someone who has never worked in an office/cubicle setting to imagine what office work might be like. Something like the movie Office Space but less exaggerated, right? Well I’m here to tell you it’s...
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8 Reasons Why Having Big Boobs Blows
Posted by Nicole With supplemental cynicism by Laura
I just got back from the dark recesses of the bra section at Kohls, and like all bra-shopping trips I take, I feel like I’ve learned more about myself and about the world. Namely, how most guys (and girls too, I’m assuming) think big boobs are the tits (figuratively.)
They aren’t. I got 8 reasons why, and not just because 8...
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An Average FB Chat with Laura and Nicole
(Two shady Budget Office characters, both of whom are liable to snap and burn down the place at any moment, are lingering outside the boss's door, making awkward conversation. Laura reports the situation to Nicole because that's just what we do.)
Laura: Yeah, they're just standing outside her office, making awkward conversation as I sit here all uncomfortably, beads of sweat falling down my face.
Nicole: Every click of the clock behind you echoing throughout your brain slowly...
Laura: My hands clenching slowly around the pen I'm holding, my eyes rolling into the back of my head...
Nicole: The copier behind you sparking as it shorts out dramatically over the sounds of your heavy breathing...
Laura: The clock slows down and stops as the paint starts peeling from the walls and all I see is their mouths moving up and down in slow motion...
Nicole: Your entire office buckles under the pressure, swallowing you up into a gigantic sinkhole...
Laura: My chair is ripped out from under me and I fall backwards into the blackhole created by the copier imploding...
Nicole: ...Then the clock hits 12 and you head out for a two hour lunch.
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A Workplace Presentation by Laura
Please enjoy my powerpoint for today’s meeting. Complete with ridiculous ads. It’s important that we all learn to control ourselves in the workplace and create a solid connection. The more solid it is, the easier it will be to insert this advice into your everyday life.
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Office Education Transmission Via Interconnected...
Posted by Nicole
Since I strive to be a productive citizen, I have an office job with a computer and a low-impact stapler and multiple ergonomic wrist rests and an expanding waistline. How it happened so fast after my free-wheelin’, film-school-drop-outin’, liberal-arts-studyin’ college days I’ll never know.
I’m still pretty new at my current job, and I recently got...
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Sounding Off
Posted by Laura
So it’s Friday, according to the 5 people who have stopped by my office to tell me that as a conversation starter only to receive a blank stare from me and a “yes, it is”. And guess what, it’ll be Friday next week too, and the week after that, but sometimes it’ll be Monday so watch out.
Like any day I come in to my “job” to start...
tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?
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A bit of promoting here...
Posted by Laura
I’d like to take a moment and pimp my photo blog: http://wildernessremains.tumblr.com/
A showcase of my work from the past 5 years. I’ll add new photos everyday or every other day. It should be fairly random and entertaining. Enjoy.
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Everything I Ever Needed to Know, I Learned From...
Posted by Laura
Summer is here! The birds are singing, the pavement is hot for cooking breakfast, and my couch has developed this strange problem wherein it needs to be constantly covered by my body so as to not fly up and crash through the ceiling at any given time. This is life now, life with a bachelors degree. After exhausting many seasons of several TV shows on Netflix, organizing my...
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The Secret Life of the American Unemployed
Posted by Nicole
I recently went through an employment “dry spell,” wherein I became close acquaintances with Netflix and jawline acne. Netflix became my closest friend after I picked up roots and moved halfway across the country with nothing but minimal post-college office experience, my husband’s sketchy new job offer, and a dream that maybe I could finally claw my way out of...
